365 Letters
by bumbersnatch
Summary: John's life after Sherlock dies is very different. He still writes to Sherlock everyday, no matter what.
1. Letter 1

Sherlock,

No. You are not dead. Just no.

You can't be.

Yet people are saying you are.

I screamed at the doctors Sherlock. When they pronounced you dead. I told them you weren't, couldn't be.

Sherlock Holmes cannot die.


	2. Letter 2

Sherlock,

I didn't sleep last night.

I just, I keep seeing your eyes. They looked so... so you.

I see your eyes everyday, and yet they always looked like you were covering something up; hiding something. But your eyes yesterday, they were so open, so honest. It was like I was seeing them for the first time.

And it wasn't the last. I still see them now, and always will. Your open eyes.

It's like you weren't the whole you before, and then, suddenly, the last piece of the puzzle fit.

Sherlock, what were you hiding?

And don't tell me it was that you're a fake; I know you aren't. I know Moriarty was real. He strapped bombs to my chest remember? Don't try to tell me you set that up.

You wouldn't do that to me.

Right?


	3. Letter 3

Sherlock,

I saw your eyes again last night. This time they were different.

Instead of being full of light and promise, they were black and chilling.

You were stood on top of St. Barts, and we were on the phone. You told me that you were a fake, and that you made Moriarty up.

Then you told me that we weren't friends. You told me that you never liked me. You told me it was all a game and that I was a fool to trust you.

It scares me. Sherlock why did you have to leave?

Why can't you come back, and we could solve crimes, and you could annoy the hell out of everyone. You could throw the deerstalker at people thinking it is a death Frisbee, and I could blog about you.

I just wish I could go back in time, and stop you from falling off the roof.

This is all my fault. I never should have left you at Barts. I should have known that Mrs. Hudson would be alright.

I should have been able to save you.

I blame myself.


	4. Letter 4

Sherlock,

Today was your funeral.

Molly was there. She believes in you.

I just don't understand Sherlock. Why did you tell me you weren't real?

Why did you lie to me?

Why did Moriarty lie?

I would do anything to have you back. I would throw myself off any building, if only to see you one more time.

Sherlock, you told me once that you weren't a hero. Sometimes I didn't even think you were human. But let me tell you this: you were the greatest man I ever knew, and the most human... human being I've ever met.

I was so alone. And I owe you so much.

And one more thing; one more miracle. Stop It. Stop this. Stop being dead. For me Sherlock.


	5. Letter 5

Sherlock,

Mrs Hudson has left for her sisters house. I know You would never let her go, but You aren't here any more, and she needs time Sherlock.

Sherlock, It's really quite quiet here. There isn't tea being made, no violin playing, You aren't shouting at the TV. There aren't any body parts in the fridge or bubbling away on the stove.

It's just empty.

There's no You, and no me without you.

I keep having that same nightmare Sherlock. You telling me lies on the roof. Every time I see You drop your phone behind you, I just feel so helpless. When You spread Your arms out, I think You're going to fly. Fly right back home where You belong.

But You don't. Instead you fall, like an angel through the air.

Why won't You fly?


	6. Letter 6

Sherlock,

They want me back at work.

I don't think I'm ready Sherlock. I'm not ready to leave the flat. When I'm here, I can feel You Sherlock. Feel Your presence. I can hear the violin screeching, Your laptop keyboard typing, and Your experiments bubbling.

I can hear You shouting at Daytime TV, the wall and pretty much everything else.

I can see Your dressing gown swish behind You, Your suits crinkle, and Your sheets drag across the floor.

I can smell the body parts burning, the fresh cups of tea, and the gun powder from Your boredom.

I can feel You all around me Sherlock, I'm ready to leave You yet.

So why did You leave me?


	7. Letter 7

Sherlock,

Do you remember ordering new sheets a few months back? They never turned up, so You called up the manager and proceeded to tell him about his marriage problems and daughters unexpected pregnancy.

That was 4 months ago, and they finally arrived today. I haven't managed to take them out yet, they're Yours. I shouldn't be opening Your mail, I should be laughing with You when You realise they sent you two extra sets of sheets as an apology.

This isn't right Sherlock. You should be here with me.


	8. Letter 8

Sherlock,

Mrs Hudson wants to pack away some of Your things. She says that she could give the science equipment to a school or something.

I won't let her Sherlock. She can't.

I can't be in our flat, if it isn't covered with Your things. I just can't imagine looking at it and not seeing anything that belongs to You. And lets face it; it all belongs to You. You had already moved in by the time I saw the place, so I don't know what it would be like without Your stuff.

I don't want to find out.


	9. Letter 9

Sherlock,

Mrs Hudson wants to tidy up Your room.

I don't think I can face being in there. It's Yours. I would hate to trespass.

But then, it kind of does need cleaning, we never know _what_ experiments You had going on in there.


	10. Letter 10

Sherlock,

I found one of Your experiments when I went in Your room.

I couldn't tidy it up after all. I didn't want to disturb anything.

Were You measuring the rate at which toe nails fall off a dead body? That's what it looked like.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks to XxMistyTwilightxX for the toenails idea :)<strong>


	11. Letter 11

Sherlock,

I found Your log for Your experiments.

It's fascinating – all the work You've done. Sorry, I know it annoys You when I say that.

But it really is. I mean, the coagulation of saliva after death? The stuff with the eyes. I never really thought twice about You experimenting, it was just another mess to clean up. But reading through all of this; it's extraordinary.

Also I know now it wasn't just the rate the toe nails fall off, but also how long they grew first.

That's something I asked You once isn't it? It was with The Speckled Blonde.

I'm oddly proud of You.


	12. letter 12

Sherlock,

I've decided to carry on Your experiment.

You started the work, and now We can finish it together.

Not, together together. That's not what I meant. What I meant was, Oh never mind.


	13. letter 13

Sherlock,

the toe nails haven't grown yet.

Lestrade came round. He told me something.

Sherlock, Lestrade believes in You. He believes in the real You. In the Sherlock I know. The Genius.

He believes.


	14. Letter 14

Sherlock,

The toe nails grew half a millimetre over night. We're getting some where.

Someone (who most likely were from Your homeless network) knocked on the door today, - I still haven't fixed the door bell you shot at – and she had some flowers for You.

As nice as the gesture was, I couldn't help but notice that they had a card in them "Dear Madge, you will ever be in our hearts."

I had to go down to the graveyard, to return the flowers to poor Madge.

Sherlock, when I was down there; I had to. I had to see Your grave, if only for proof that You're gone. But when I got there, I saw something unexpected.

Lestrade. He was just sat there, in his suit, obviously on his lunch break from the Yard. Sherlock, he was crying. He just sat there in tears. I didn't know what to do.

What is happening to me Sherlock? It's my job to tell people that it's OK, to comfort them when they get bad news.

What have you done to me?


	15. Letter 15

Sherlock,

No more growth in the toe nails.

I didn't sleep last night. Again. I keep having all these nightmares. One minute We're at home; in 221B and You're mocking my blog, and then all of a sudden You're in Dewer's Hollow, A darkened swimming pool, or on top of that bloody roof.

There's nothing I can do. I just stand and watch as You get scared of the Hound, or _he _tries to kill You. I just watch as Your body falls through the air.

So gently, You would think You were a falling angel.

Sherlock; please stop the dreams. I can't handle this. Come back.

Come home.


	16. OOPS

GUYS.

I am so sorry I have not been updating, I lost my internet connection, but I have kept writing, and will spam updates soon for 365 Letters, and I'm writing another chapter to Texts From John Watson.

Again, I apologise, and I hope you don't hate me too much :3


	17. Letter 16

Sherlock,

My therapist says that I should keep writing on my blog; but the truth is, it wasn't _my_ blog in the end. It was _ours_. I wrote about You and all of the wonderful things You did, but now, there is nothing to write about. Nothing happens to me any more.


	18. Letter 17

Sherlock,

The toe nails have grown another 5 millimetres.

I think Mycroft is up to something. I have a feeling I'm being watched again. I tried looking for a camera, but there's no sign of anything, no break in the dust line.

I just have this feeling.


	19. Letter 18

Sherlock,

I was right. Mycroft has been watching the flat. He said that he was worried about me.

Truth is, I'm worried about me too. I mean look at me; sat here writing letters to a supposedly dead man. Anyone would think I'm crazy.

But I know I'm not. I know that You're still alive, somewhere. You must be. You couldn't just leave me like that; could You?


	20. Letter 19

Sherlock,

There's nothing happening with these toenails. I'm starting to give up hope.


	21. Letter 20

Sherlock,

My therapist says that my limp is only going to get worse, unless I accept the fact that You're gone. I guess I'll just have to get used to it again, won't I?


	22. Letter 21

Sherlock,

Guess what? Anderson and his wife are getting a divorce.

She _somehow _found out about Sally.

According to Greg (That's Lestrade to You), she turned up at a crime scene, when Anderson was on forensics, and was screaming at him in front of everyone. She even started throwing some of Anderson's equipment around!

Can You really blame me? I was bored.


	23. Letter 22

Sherlock,

Now I really am bored.

I wonder what You're up to; what You're doing. Who You're talking to; where You're going.

I mean, if You really are still out there, what is keeping You sane, stopping You from shooting at walls.

I wonder whose fridge You're putting body parts in, whose blog You're mocking.

I wonder if You have anybody at all.


	24. Letter 23

Sherlock,

Greg wants me to go to one of those support groups for people who've lost a loved one.

I don't want to be known as the guy whose best friend jumped off a building. Can You imagine all the looks I would get, sat there with people whose Mothers, Brothers Sisters and Husbands have died.

I don't want to draw attention to myself.


	25. Letter 24

Sherlock,

The week after You left, every paper in the country wanted an interview with me, and now Kitty of all people wants to talk to me.

She emailed me this morning saying that she is planning to write a sort of book, about You. She is hoping to call it "Sherlock Holmes: The criminal genius behind Moriarty."

She says that she wants to know if I was in on it. I emailed her back to politely tell her to "Bugger off and stop being a moron."

I can't believe she still thinks that Moriarty was an actor.

The papers covered his death as ' guilt ridden actor and well loved children's entertainer takes own life to escape Sherlock's grasp.'

It's ridiculous.


	26. Letter 25

Sherlock,

I've seen things, around London. At first I thought it was nothing, or that my eyes were playing tricks on me, but it's real.

It started out, just a few small things, posters, graffiti, that sort of thing.

But now, now it's a movement.

"I believe in Sherlock Holmes"

It's everywhere: Bus shelters; on the sides of buildings; people even have stickers in their windows.

Sherlock, people believe in You. They trust You.

We aren't alone any more.


	27. Letter 26

Sherlock,

I saw a poster today, there's a meeting being held for everyone who believes in You.

It's amazing, I never thought this would happen. The meeting is being held tomorrow; I already spoke to Lestrade and he's going too. As are some more officers from Scotland Yard. I think he said Dimmock would be there.

Molly isn't going to go though. She said she would find it too hard. Poor thing. She really did love You. She would have done anything for You,You know?


	28. Letter 27

Sherlock,

The meeting was amazing. There were so many people there; some we knew, some we didn't.

A couple of the boys form the café downstairs were there, along with that little girl Kirsty; You know, the one with the pet rabbit.

I was hoping to just sneak in, sit at the back and observe the meeting; but a couple of people recognised me from my blog, and asked me to speak to the group. I told them all about how we first met, and that You knew all about my sister. I decided not to tell them what You said to me on the phone; that it was a trick. To be honest, as much as I try to forget that phone call, I still can hear it whenever I close my eyes.


	29. Letter 28

Sherlock,

I didn't sleep again last night. I really thought that maybe after having gone to that meeting it would get easier.

I was wrong.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been under a bit of stress at school this week.**


	30. Letter 29

Sherlock,

There are still posters and graffiti everywhere. People still trust you.

Greg even asked if it was me doing all of this; but I think he knows that it wasn't. He knows what you meant to people, and they just aren't ready to let you go.

Neither am I.


	31. Letter 30

Sherlock,

I miss you.


	32. Letter 31

Sherlock,

It's been a month. A whole month since You... since You left.

Come back.


	33. Letter 32

Sherlock,

Nothing happens any more.

Cases are left unsolved; and I'm left alone. I don't know what to do any more.


End file.
